#17 The “Fall of Saigon (Sally)” Trail

H4 Prelube #17:
Saturday 7:00pm-ish-August 31, 2013
Fire Works Pizzeria & Bar. 2350 Clarendon Blvd., Arlington VA. Near Courthouse Metro.

They have 33 different beers on draft, two of which are rotating hand-pulled cask ales. Good food, wood fired pizzas, outdoor seating and a fire that should probably not be jumped over. I like this place, so I should probably warn them that we’re coming. This place gets busy, so come early. Or late. Or something.

H4 Trail #17:
Sunday 10:00 AM- September 1, 2013
$10.00 US, Fister Roboto will be catering brunch.
A to A’ (very nearly A)

Pack away at 10:00 am on the nose. It’s a long trail.

Theme:
The “Fall of Saigon (Sally)” Trail and Pool Party

There’s no real theme here other than my attempt to lay the most abusive, challenging, and DC river surviving trail, ever laid inside the beltway. Also there’s an awesome rope swing into the river. Why? Because awesome, that’s why.

Also happy birthday Saigon! Enjoy this birthday trail. Don’t die.

Hares:
Fister Roboto, Camo Sutra, There’s a Clap for That and hopefully we can sucker one more into this farce. Maybe.

Start:
One block north of Courthouse Metro station. Specifically, the parking area in front of:
2107 Wilson Boulevard
Arlington, VA 22201

On On On Brunch:
Fister Roboto’s apartment building’s rooftop pool. Want to know where that is? Follow trail. Don’t want to follow trail? It’s 2250 Clarendon Blvd.

Brunch Specials:
My apartment building management has graciously allowed me to host a pool party for my “friendly Sunday morning running club”. Lying is easy, dissembling is an art. No nudity (sadly?), but there will be beer and food on the roof.

Parking:
Yay for Sunday!!! I didn’t write that, it was on this form template. Who gets so excited about parking that they feel the need for three exclamation points? I get it, you own a car and can go places without having to suffer the metro with the rest of the proles… though apparently only on Sundays. Congratulations and enjoy those car payments. What? You actually wanted an answer instead of snark? Fine. There is quite a bit of free parking on the street and in several of the nearby lots on weekends, but be sure to check signs as appropriate, Arlington loves ticketing cars in a big way.!

Metro Accessibility:
One block north of Courthouse Metro station. Didn’t I answer this question already?

D'Erections:
Jesus Christ: C-O-U-R-T H-O-U-S-E M-E-T-R-O. Are you dumber than your phones?

Shiggy Rating:  (1=None to 10=Jungle Bushwacking)
Eagle: 11
Turkey: <11?
Emperor Penguin: 3?
Penguin: 3

Trail Length (Approx):
Eagle: Super-Duck, Super-Eagle [see not-joking note]: This is the trail to do. Be a hasher and do it. Maybe 10+ miles I’ll let you know when we’re done laying it. At least three beer checks, and four shot checks. And you’ll get oh so very wet. All over your face. Also you’ll need a headlamp. Who said head? We’ll collect your headlamps before the swim if they’re not waterproof.

Turkey: Uhh, less? Or something. We’re working on it. Probably 6-7 miles. But not nearly as awesome. We’ll let you skip a lot of the crazy shit we’re going to lay. You can even skip the swim, but then why even bother drawing a breath and living? Really? What kind of life is that? I pity you, from the depths of my cold fisting robot heart. I mean, what, are you going to do, just drink beer and fornicate without risking life and limb? You’ll also need a headlamp.

Emperor Penuin: ~6 miles. Yes, I just made that up. Because I can, that’s why. It’s an extended walk. There’ll be beer and snacks and breaks along the way. Walkers, do this one. It’s a really scenic hike that the super-duck super eagle running and swimming idiots will miss because some abusive asshat of a hare wants a reputation. Fuck that guy. Right in the eyehole. I hear that’s how Earl rolls, nah na-na na-na na-na.
Penguin: 4 miles. Just, just seriously? Sniff. I’m working SO hard on this trail. Camo is just about fed up with my obsessiveness and that is coming from HER - and have you MET her? Only one beer check and break my heart why don’t you!

Special Not-Joking Note:
The super duck aspect is a pair of swims across the Potomac. The first is about 1000 ft but with a break and shot check at a small island about mid-way, the second is a 350 ft direct crossing. All the hares have swam it in full hash gear. There will be a safety canoe on hand and we will ferry a limited numbers of people who can’t swim but want to do the eagle trail across the water. We’re significantly further upstream than the Tour-duh-Hash duck swim, and I’m paying close attention to the CSO status (the warning light is by the Watergate in Georgetown). We’ll cancel this segment if there’s a CSO event within 48 hours prior to trail (red or blue light). 
The super eagle aspect involves a no-shit 150” climbing section up a cliff and scree face. All the hares have climbed it. I’ve emplaced a fixed line secured with an anglers loop (more secure than the traditional bowline) slipknoted around a sturdy tree, and set with alpine butterfly loops along the length. Exercise caution and gauge your abilities. ONE hasher on the line at a time.

Dog Friendly:
Penguin and Emperor Penguin is dog friendly. Super duck/regular eagle and your pet better be a serious swimmer. No dog is cut out for super-eagle, except Dynomutt.

Stroller Friendly:
On trail? No. But you can go straight to the pool roof deck and hang out there. There’s a pool. And there’ll be beer when and if the pack makes it in alive. Or don’t wait for the pack and get the little kids started on their path to alcohol abuse early. Just don’t tell the other wankers that they can skip trail and just go to the pool.

More Info:
A “more info” section? I should have put my dire warnings about super-duck and super-eagle here. Someone went through all that effort to have a special section for just those kinds of special notes. I didn’t see it as I was typing. I never did learn to read. Type yes, I can do that, it even looks like work sometimes. What? I should just cut and paste the text from there to here? Who’s in charge here? This form doesn’t own me!

We’ll probably have some kind of bag vehicle that will get unloaded to the roof pool. We’re working on it. But not that hard. Also there are showers up there you can use to wash off the shame. But to be honest, I’ve never managed to scrub clean my soul.

On "Day of Rest…Fuck Th@t!" On